Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
