I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Terrible idea I love it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
