At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
