she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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