oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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