when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
