ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
