I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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