guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
