Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
