Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
