grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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