I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
