Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
