I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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