Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
