i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
