I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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