i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i now understand why vodka
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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