just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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