Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
