I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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