I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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