The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
