i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
