I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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