why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
