if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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