i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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