So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
