I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
