It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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