writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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