the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i now understand why vodka
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
