HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
