so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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