her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
