Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
