I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
