This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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