How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
