Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
