I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
