officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
