I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
