I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
