I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
