"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
