Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize