that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
