I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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