I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize