just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
