I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
