Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
