i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I know her cup size but not her name....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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