just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
