"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
