he shaved USA in his pubs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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