You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
