There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
