I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
