New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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