whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
