You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
