I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
