How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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