im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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