If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
