omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
